older man, younger women....should i ?

[sweetLes]

ok, i need some advice. I have known this man for about 4 months now. We met chatting on yahoo. we have kept in touch on a dailey basis. I have grown to be very fond of him and he knows my feelings for him. He has since the begining had feelings for me also. He is 44 and i am 24. We both have one child. We have become very close lately and want to finally meet in person. The one problem i have is he is (unhappily) married. He says after the first of the year is is going to be his time to go. He is going to leave her. I don't know what to do or believe. I would very much like to see where this could go between he and i, but i don't know. HELP!!?? oh and he lives about 8 hrs away from me. Should i go for it?

[Cally]

are you in an emotional position where this man could break your heart if you met him and found out he wasn't all that he says he is? (ie: not really going to leave his wife, and just wants a quick fuck on the side)

if you can't walk away with your heart in tact, i think you should walk away now before you get in deeper. oh and plus the fact that he's like..... 20 years older than you.

[sweetLes]

i'm not in too deep...yet. If we were to meet and things weren't as they apeared, then i wouldn't be "heart-broken". I have some feelings there for him but i don't think i would be devistated if it didn't work out. and the age thing doesn't bother me at all, it's just a number to me.

[conomaldito]

The one problem i have is he is (unhappily) married

My own belief is relationships must start from day one on a face to face basis.. Getting to know someone through the internet is fine but you really can't make any proper judgement on a person untill you are in each others company..
This will sound harsh but because the guy is 44 and has already lived half his life it seems to me he's looking for a way out of his current situation and you could be the opportunity he's been waiting for..
Has he told you the reason for him being unhappily married ? Im guessing he's told you the reasons are not his own doing but that his wife has changed..
I'd say you need to ask him many questions before you even take the step of meeting up..
Money is often at the root of peoples problems and debt is something people never mention to others so you might want to test the water by asking about his finances.. Even if he does want to meet you he'll still have responsabilities to his child and the woman whom he's unhappily married to will be a part of his life , therefore she'll be a part of your life , even if only brief exchanges of words.. Go with your instincts but I'd say your better of looking for a single guy around your own age whom you'll have lots more in common with , as long as he's not a waster , and is willing to take on the reponsability to help with raising your child..

[sweetLes]

ok...as far a finances, i know he is a very successful businessman. He does not blame his wife at all for the marriage problems. He says they have just grown apart and don't feel the same way they used to about each other. Bekieve me i have asked every question in the book. I am very cautious to the situation because of past relationships i have been in. He is very close to his son and he is his life. And i do realize his wife will or would be a part of my life too if we were to be anything, but turn the tables he knows my ex will be too, so i think we are both prepared for that. The age doesn't even really bother me. I have personally found that men(guys) my age are not ready for the kind of commitment i am ready for and i am tired of waiting for that. I could have possibly found that here.

[apcvois]

Whether you should or should not, that is a tough one, and as much as you can calculate it, you may or may not make the right decision. What is more important though, is not whether you made the right or wrong decision, but was it your best decision at that time. But please remember that love is not something that you can calculate or control. Love is not something that can be possessed or turned into a thing, a material. No, it is the immaterial, it must be free and spontaneous, it must just happen. In love there is always a relationship, but not in all relationships is there true love.

Love


Ocean,

[retcop]

In love there is always a relationship, but not in all relationships is there true love.

Well put.

I am a firm believer in: "of all the words ever spoken or penned, the sadest of these are, What might of been."


Meet him and see, let you gut feeling be the guide. You can not swim without getting wet, nor can you love without getting hurt. I was divorced twice when I met my best friend. She is 11 years younger, and her friends gave her all the advice you are hearing on this thread. We met in February and married in May. I had 2 children she had none. We now have 2 of our own. We fight on occasion, we laugh, we play and I prayed when she gave birth to our daughter 12 weeks early, I cried when she bleed out and they "lost" her for several minutes, I cried when the team brought her back , and I would do it all over again. Thank God neither she or I listened to all the advice from our friends and followed our hearts into the unknown. Just when I could not love her more, she smiles or wrinkles her nose and I do....

[john32810]

ok, i need some advice. I have known this man for about 4 months now. We met chatting on yahoo. we have kept in touch on a dailey basis. I have grown to be very fond of him and he knows my feelings for him. He has since the begining had feelings for me also. He is 44 and i am 24. We both have one child. We have become very close lately and want to finally meet in person. The one problem i have is he is (unhappily) married. He says after the first of the year is is going to be his time to go. He is going to leave her. I don't know what to do or believe. I would very much like to see where this could go between he and i, but i don't know. HELP!!?? oh and he lives about 8 hrs away from me. Should i go for it?
i agree with meeting him...but if you want to know for sure if a guy is serious...leave sex out of the deal and see how long he will last.
my take on this is he want something on the side and he is old enough to know all the right things to say...the stuff you being twenty years younger wants to hear

[AndyTampa]

Hell, you've been chatting on the internet for this long, why don't you just wait until he leaves the wife? Let him make that move first. If he's lying, you won't have put yourself in the position to be hurt (or killed if she found out). How many internet 'friends' does he meet? Will he do that to you after you've invested yourself in this relationship?

Ask yourself these questions. Any other advice from the group?

[Blitz]

I was involved with a man who was 20 years older than me. He wasn't married, he was divorced. We had feelings for each other, but, we didn't share the same goals. He had already been married and had children. I know this is alot to think about especially since you two haven't even met, but it was a big factor in my experience. I would consider the different stages of life you are both in. That could very well come into play.

Oh and this man still being married isn't all that promising either. Feelings can and will develop when chatting with someone on the internet, but for some, it is fantasy and they might not realize it yet. You run a risk of being disappointed. This has heartbreak written all over it. I don't mean to be negative. I am speaking from experience. I wish you luck in whatever choice you make.

[NC8]

I couldn't agree with Blitz more. The age difference is just too great. When he reaches his midlife crisis in a decade or so, you'll be in your 30's. There are just too many differences in the way you think and feel now compared to how you'll feel in your 40's. Believe, me. I'm older than he is and I can tell you that when I was in my 20's and 30's, I saw the world in a whole different way.

Being that much older than you, he'll always feel that he is more experienced in life than you are, he'll feel that his views will be more valid than yours and that he is more mentally mature. He won't tell you that but it's inevitable. Just think for a moment if you were to compare yourself with a 15 year old child. Big difference, I know, but nonetheless, you will appear as a child to him.

A relationship is tough enough given all the everyday stresses. You don't need this age difference to make it any tougher.

Oh, just one other thing. Sex is a big item for his age. What middle aged man wouldn't want to have a young lover? This is probably one of the big motivating factors in his desire to be with you. Maybe I'm wrong, but if I'm right, you'll be very hurt.

Good luck.

[Cally]

along with the sex bit.... when you reach your sexual peak (around 30) he will be 50. and i'm not saying he won't be able to work his tools.... but unless he gets himself some pills for that, chances are, he won't be able to get it up near as much as you want him to.

[AngelaBunny]

Now, from my experience, Johnny is what 46? and he outlasts me and im nearly 20 years younger then him.. I think the older they get the better they last and get.. Though hopefully the next time, I will out do him.. ;)

[Cally]

yes..... but johnny in ten years most likely *statistically* won't be able to keep it going like a guy who is say..... 25.

[AngelaBunny]

Very True Cally, very true..

[pladecalvo]

yes..... but johnny in ten years most likely *statistically* won't be able to keep it going like a guy who is say..... 25.

I'm 56 and I can't get enough!

When I was 43, my girlfriend was 18. The age thing was not a problem for either of us. The problems were from other people who always assumed that I was somehow 'sexually abusing' this girl and that I had some kind of 'Svengalli' hold over her. We had great fun together and enjoyed each others company a lot. I would say that ,generally, 'age is a state of mind' and it's what you feel about each other that is important. When one person is 20 years and the other is 40, it's not a problem. The problems will come in the future when one is 50 and still young and active and the other is 70 and wearing incontinance daipers.

I do agree with past posts that this guy is probably fishing for a 'bit on the side'. Guys who discuss their marital problems on a public forum usually are.

[SolarFlare]

ok, i need some advice. I have known this man for about 4 months now. We met chatting on yahoo. we have kept in touch on a dailey basis. I have grown to be very fond of him and he knows my feelings for him. He has since the begining had feelings for me also. He is 44 and i am 24. We both have one child. We have become very close lately and want to finally meet in person. The one problem i have is he is (unhappily) married. He says after the first of the year is is going to be his time to go. He is going to leave her. I don't know what to do or believe. I would very much like to see where this could go between he and i, but i don't know. HELP!!?? oh and he lives about 8 hrs away from me. Should i go for it?

There is nothing wrong with being this persons friend... but do not go into it any farther than that. This man is in no position to get invovled in a total emotional commitment with you. He is not in a good state of mind right now and facing something difficult. Since he still married to this woman, if it was me I would back off. Allow him to make clear uninterupted decisions about how to work out these problems with the person he made a commitment to. If is mean to be it will be, if indeed he truely is wanting to end his marriage but dont get caught up in this emotional drama... it could only make things worse.

[SolarFlare]

i agree with meeting him...but if you want to know for sure if a guy is serious...leave sex out of the deal and see how long he will last.
my take on this is he want something on the side and he is old enough to know all the right things to say...the stuff you being twenty years younger wants to hear

Exactly!

[retcop]

along with the sex bit.... when you reach your sexual peak (around 30) he will be 50. and i'm not saying he won't be able to work his tools.... but unless he gets himself some pills for that, chances are, he won't be able to get it up near as much as you want him to.

aahh Cally, my wife is 9 years younger and I do not use pills. I still ride her like a harley on a bad piece of road :p :p :eek:

[SolarFlare]

I'm a couple of years OLDER than my husband... so it can go both ways! :D

[Cally]

aahh Cally, my wife is 9 years younger and I do not use pills. I still ride her like a harley on a bad piece of road :p :p :eek:



LOL i know there are plenty of men out there who know how to work their rocks..... but i'm just saying that *STATISTICALLY* a man will begin to have trouble getting to that age. lol

[americanwit]

No stay away, at least until he is officially divorced.

[johnnybegood]

yes..... but johnny in ten years most likely *statistically* won't be able to keep it going like a guy who is say..... 25.


Bet me Buckwheat! Remember... I'm so cool I wake up with frost on my balls! :cool:

Find me some pup that can say that, oh and one other thing hun... in ten years my tongue will be that much more practiced! ;)

[johnnybegood]

Now, from my experience, Johnny is what 46? and he outlasts me and im nearly 20 years younger then him.. I think the older they get the better they last and get.. Though hopefully the next time, I will out do him.. ;)


Promises promises... :cool:

[AngelaBunny]

Promises promises... :cool:More like the other way around.. :rolleyes:

[johnnybegood]

And one last thing ladies...

Cally you keep saying... Statistically!!!

Humans are made up of flesh and blood and each one is an individual, diet, excersize, and libido are not things that can be averaged...

Each man or woman for that matter should be judged on thier OWN MERIT... not statistically! :cool:

[AngelaBunny]

And one last thing ladies...

Cally you keep saying... Statistically!!!

Humans are made up of flesh and blood and each one is an individual, diet, excersize, and libido are not things that can be averaged...

Each man or woman for that matter should be judged on thier OWN MERIT... not statistically! :cool:See, this is why I love this man, I know when he is like 80, he'll still eat pussy and make love like there is no tomorrow! ;)

PS.. and he does it very well, I might add...

[SolarFlare]

See, this is why I love this man, I know when he is like 80, he'll still eat pussy and make love like there is no tomorrow! ;)

PS.. and he does it very well, I might add...

It might even be better then cause he can take his teeth out and gum ya! HEHEHE :D

[AngelaBunny]

It might even be better then cause he can take his teeth out and gum ya! HEHEHE :DLMAO!!! Hey it won't bother me any!

[Cally]

Cally you keep saying... Statistically!!!

Humans are made up of flesh and blood and each one is an individual, diet, excersize, and libido are not things that can be averaged...

Each man or woman for that matter should be judged on thier OWN MERIT... not statistically! :cool:

yes, and each man and woman make up a group of men and women, and a statistic just takes the average of all the people who are spoken too. i'm not saying that people aren't individuals... but STATISTICALLY... that's the case.

[john32810]

Very True Cally, very true..
i have to disagree with both of you...all statistics aside...my libido has increase with every year that i have gotten older...i think all my parts are in outstanding working order...0 - hard-on in less than two mins...lol.. and tow be quite personal about it...the longer i stay hard the longer i stay hard...hmmmmm interesting

[AngelaBunny]

i have to disagree with both of you...all statistics aside...my libido has increase with every year that i have gotten older...i think all my parts are in outstanding working order...0 - hard-on in less than two mins...lol.. and tow be quite personal about it...the longer i stay hard the longer i stay hard...hmmmmm interestingCally has points, but I don't actually agree with them. My Grand Parents had sex up until the day they died and they went early 90's. I don't know how often, or how it went, nor do I wish too.

Not only does it depend on your diet, but it's also a mental issue as well. Some men may need help from pills, and others may not. And to be frank, you can have erectal problems in your late 30s to early 40s.. Now, from my experience, I have only been with one guy that was nearly 20 years my senior and he had NO problems whatsover getting hard, staying hard, and having multiple orgasms.

Do I think we will ever have problems? No, but stranger things have been known to happen. And if we do, we'll work through it. ;)

[ceedee]

absolutely not. Every reason not to. the risk/reward is way negative.

[arizdiamond35]

run run run................ not a good situation

[outdoorfrek]

all i can say is age is just a number.i`m 45 and have no need for pills,my wife is 9 years older and if there is a problem is with her,lol.you said he was married and was going to leave his wife if your really interested wait and see.thats a bad place to start a relationship.

[BlkKitty]

ok, i need some advice. I have known this man for about 4 months now. We met chatting on yahoo. we have kept in touch on a dailey basis. I have grown to be very fond of him and he knows my feelings for him. He has since the begining had feelings for me also. He is 44 and i am 24. We both have one child. We have become very close lately and want to finally meet in person. The one problem i have is he is (unhappily) married. He says after the first of the year is is going to be his time to go. He is going to leave her. I don't know what to do or believe. I would very much like to see where this could go between he and i, but i don't know. HELP!!?? oh and he lives about 8 hrs away from me. Should i go for it?

another person gutten for punishment...what a foolish venture...but if you find a fool knock them over the head.

[ArmySoldier]

run run run................ not a good situation
My thoughts exactly. Im still thinking he is "chasing tail".