Love Hurts

[aferrell]

Have you ever been in love with someone who just doesn’t treat you like they should? I am a young mother of two and I am raising his other children as well. He doesn’t work but yet he complains that I don’t give him money. I don’t have money to give…all of my money that I work for goes to our rent and the kids daycare and our car insurance and gas (we just put them in daycare because he was going to school at night and wanted to sleep during the day so instead of having my children waiting until daddy woke up to get something to eat we just put them in daycare). I want him to work so he can help me with the bills and other stuff because I just can’t afford it by myself anymore. I have become so depressed and unhappy. He has cheated on me several times and currently has another woman pregnant…and neither one of them want the baby…but neither of them have a job…nor money for the abortion that they both”want”….I sure to hell am not paying for it…even if I had the money. He says he loves me and that he cheated because I wouldn’t marry him…and because I am greedy about my money but that is because he runs the streets at night and I had a gut instinct that he was cheating…and I don’t want to get married to just get divorced. I want him to want to take care of us like a man should…I want him to want to take care of me…you know. Why do I have to be the only one working to support all of us…don’t he want better for us…don’t he want me to be happy like I use to be? I have never felt like I needed or wanted anyone but him…for he is the ONLY one I have ever been with (we have been together off and on for about 10 yrs) but it seems like I am getting drawn to wanting someone else who would spoil me and treat me like I should be treated. (yet it hurts me to think this way…I really do love him soooo much!!) I have no money left for us to do anything with much less spend it on fixing me up to try to lift my spirits. It is driving me crazy…I know I am a plus size woman…but I don’t even get hit on anymore…and that makes me feel like I am not attractive to anyone. However, I know that I am a great person (who else would put up with what I have been through) I used to feel so sexy…he use to run outside every time I came home from work because he was happy to see me…I really miss that. He use to call just to say he loved me…Lord I really miss that! At the same time I wonder what it is like to have someone else want me…I’d like to meet someone who would be a good friend….who would hold me when I was down…one who would wipe away the tears….one who would truly care for me and care that I feel so bad about myself…..but then again….maybe I should wake up from this dream and realize that life sucks and my man may not ever respect and treat me like his princess should be treated. I am in tears at least once every day over something…and I am hurting so bad inside. I try to walk with my head up high and act like nothing is wrong and most people see me that way…but those who know me know how much I am hurting and keep telling me I deserve and could do better….but no one is even hitting on me...and honestly I don't know if I really want anyone to...I really want my man to give me the attention that I am lacking...but I don't see that happening any time soon. Because of his jealousy I have no male friends and a couple of female friends that I work with (that I trust…you know females can really be backstabbers…and oh I have been stabbed too many times already) but really that is it. Don’t get me wrong we have our good times but we are always arguing over money…he says that I am greedy with my money….but hell if I was so greedy why don’t I ever get to spend it on me? I wear clothes to work that I have had for 10 years (literally) I wear shoes to work that have holes in them, there are days when I don’t even eat because I forgot my lunch and don’t have money to spend to get anything to eat….like today. I have even thought about suicide…but I can’t do that….my children need me…and that would be so selfish of myself…my kids deserve better…they are soo great!! I have dreams that I die in a car wreck and I actually await that day…but that kills me too (and I cry) because my kids love me so much and they deserve to have their mother around until God takes me home. I know you should leave him right…but then I would be lonely…hell at least I get company for a little while every day….and I know he loves me…but if he loves me so much…why hurt me like he has?? I just pray for a miracle that one day things will change and everything will be better.

[Cally]

You are being taken advantage of. I'm sorry, I know you are hurting, but this man does not love you. He is using you. Being a plus sized woman has absolutely nothing at all to do with it. I am a plus sized woman as well, and that makes me nothing more than a little more comfy to snuggle with. You are beautiful. Get rid of him! He's cheating on you! He's using you! He is lazy and uncaring and you can do better! Kick him to the curb, and if he doesn't go, call the police!


In short
BUCK UP and start pulling your life together! YOU DON"T NEED HIM! There are THOUSANDS of men out there who will love and worship every inch of you. Men who will kiss the ground you walk upon and take care of you the way you deserve to be taken care of.

Dump the zero and get yourself a hero!

[dove]

Cally is right! :D

Please, don't let yourself be treated this way. There are so many people out there that would love and take good care of you. Life is too short, don't waste your life on this man.
I know you don't want to hear it but, get rid of him. Look at your post and see what this man has done to you, and stop it, right now!
My heart does go out to you. :(

*hugs*

[Sweet]

I agree with Cally....and my heart goes out to you as well. If someone asked me what the most valuable lesson I had learned thus far in life, I'd say "to understand that people do NOT change."

Stop wasting your life on someone who doesn't appreciate you. I used to live in Dallas....there's LOTS of other cowboys out there girlie!! ;)

[Groucho]

Hey aferrell.

I am a plus size woman…but I don’t even get hit on anymore…and that makes me feel like I am not attractive to anyone

This part of your essay is quite untrue. You are talking in a woman's point of view. There are guys that are atttracted to women of A size and think that skinny
women are non appealing to them. So hey, that's simply not true. All you have to do is dress well and voila.

However, I know that I am a great person

This is a good start. Positive self opinion has a lot to improve your image. Inward appreciation is a starter for people to start appreciating you as they should.

So keep your chin up and smile, even though you feel the whole world is crashing on you. Think positive and good things will happen to you. :)

[aferrell]

Hey aferrell.



This part of your essay is quite untrue. You are talking in a woman's point of view. There are guys that are atttracted to women of A size and think that skinny
women are non appealing to them. So hey, that's simply not true. All you have to do is dress well and voila.



This is a good start. Positive self opinion has a lot to improve your image. Inward appreciation is a starter for people to start appreciating you as they should.

So keep your chin up and smile, even though you feel the whole world is crashing on you. Think positive and good things will happen to you. :)
I want to thank you all for all the encouraging words! I am not stupid you know I don't know why I keep putting up with his crap....well in a way I do....he is the only person that I have ever been with and since my last son was born I feel like I haven't been getting attention from anyone. Even when I was pregnant with my son I was getting hit on constantly...every day :O) I loved it, I loved the attention that I got from other men, it made me feel so good inside and out....but I never got a number or anything...I just loved the attention. Now that no one is hitting on me and with my son's (2 boys) father treating me like crap I just don't feel pretty anymore. Sure there are a few times when he tells me that I am pretty or the other day he told me that I had beautiful eyes...which made me smile for once. I can't really dress nice because I am sooo broke it isn't even funny and I can't afford to go buy even used stuff. I mean he didn't even get me anything for Christmas...I at least gave him a card and told him that I would give him massages without complaining. I really miss the romance and him wanting me to feel beautiful like he used to...but I guess after two kids....maybe he just isn't into me like he use to be. But yet he isn't trying to help me loose any of it...buying me fast food when we are already broke...sure it is GOOD but darn! I almost feel like that is what I get for having kids...everything was great before them....but they are my life...my soul...my everything...God has blessed me with some wonderful children and I wouldn't take that back for anything! I even went to different charities to get the kids christmas this year. I almost wish that one day someone would sweep me off of my feet and I could wake up and get the guts to cut him loose. Then again I keep praying that one day he will wake up and see that he is not only hurting me but he is hurting our kids and that he will want to go get a job to help with things around the house. As it is right now I am short $86 for daycare and our home phone is fixing to get shut off because we owe almost $200 for non payment...I guess I will pay that with income tax. Well enough ramblin' I gotta get to work now before I get in trouble I will check back on here later to see if there are more replies. Again thanks for the encouraging words...I need them sooo bad!

[SolarFlare]

I'd say run and run like HELL!!! and don't look back. There are way too many man out there that would treat you way better!!! to be stuck with a loser like that!!! So cut those apron strings and find you a great guy! You deserve better!

[Cally]

of course he's getting you food and stuff. the longer you stay heavy and keep a bad self image, you'll not be brave enough to stand up and walk away from him.

YOU DON'T NEED HIM! and he only keeps you to use you! cut him loose!

[Chemist]

Love doens't hurts if you find your soul-mate.

[Cally]

oh yes it does. but the good times should hopefully outweigh the bad

[billyjoe_bobo]

damm if it hurts that bad better see a dr and see what kind of rot ya got :eek: