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View Full Version : Anyone else going through this?


LaceytheNewlywed
01-07-2007, 10:40 AM
Hi, I just signed up for this today and don't know if it's for me but I'll give it a try.

Ok, so Ive been married for 1 1/2 yrs, but in total been together for like 10 yrs, high school sweethearts. Im 24 yrs old.

Needless to say, the honeymoon is over.....been over for a while. I love my husband but sometimes i get so mad at little things like the fact we don't even kiss anymore, or he won't tell me about his day but he can tell our friends.

I dont know, just confused and sick of it. Ive asked to go to councilling and he refuses. I just don't know what else I can do, or if, in the long run, it's worth it?

Can anyone relate or help me out here?????

quivers
01-07-2007, 11:28 AM
what about SEX.. ??? you mentioned you don't kiss.. do you still makelove?

muffdiver13
01-07-2007, 03:18 PM
what about SEX.. ??? you mentioned you don't kiss.. do you still makelove?
But that's the thing, at the end of my last marriage, we were still having sex, granted very seldom, but still having it. What I realized later was that the intamacy was missing. Kissing my ex was like kissing a corpse, she didn't even try and kiss back. If the intamacy is gone what's left?

quivers
01-07-2007, 07:06 PM
Your going through the motions, mindlessly.
Your both growing up, sometimes when you reach a certain point what you thought was true love, isn't. You change, the spouse changes, things are not the same it's not high school anymore. Expectations are not being met. Maybe you have polarized, the things that once attracted you, excited you now make you feel the opposite. You need help to sort it out, if he will not go, you can go on your own it will help and he may agree later to go if he sees you making the effort. Honesty and communication.
Does he still share his hopes and dreams with you, do you have any access to the inner person of your mate?
Need more input from you.. best of luck no matter what.

Groucho
01-08-2007, 04:20 AM
This is a very difficult thread. It makes me nauchious to think we got married so we can have fun together but that ends in the first year or two.

I for one can tell you, that we still make love on very seldom occasions but we never do other things which I think is more important than just fucking. The kissing, the orals, all that is history for us.

*Grumble* :confused:

Edited to add that I have been advised a long time ago to simply quit the marraige but I just can't do that. She gave me three beautiful children, and she is now sick, how can I show my back to her?

americanwit
01-10-2007, 12:08 PM
Completely, I too have difficulties with the Mrs. over little things. I know you said he doesn't want therapy. Would you be willing to go alone for yourself?

Candice
01-12-2007, 04:14 PM
I had pretty similar thing during my first marriage.

My late first husband was 19 years older than me, we got married when I was 25 and he was 44, just a year after that our first baby was born, and from that point I started to feel the emptiness in our relation, seemed that there was a big gap between us, our sex life was completely empty and nothing but a 'weekly ritual', it kept going for another year. And let me tell you, I even had a bad thinking of going to have an affair with my male friends or even asking for a divorce, but luckily I didn't go that far.

Then finally we had a chance to talk about this problem, and you know what, the problem actually came from my husband himself, he told me that he had a sex fantasy about me that he had kept even before we got married but he didn't have the heart to ask from me: he wanted to watch me doing sex with other men (can you believe that?). I was so surprised when I found out about that, but surely I told him that I'd be more than happy to do it for him, especially to save our marriage.

So just few days after that, he brought his friend back home for our very first time 'session'. I had sex with this man while my husband watched us (yes, it was awkward for the first time) but when the session was over my husband came to our bed and we had our own sessions (that man already left us). From that point, we back like we were bride and broom again, our sex life improved so much, and we save our marriage.

Sadly, in 2000 my first husband passed away because of cancer. I'm already married again to another man now.

SolarFlare
01-12-2007, 08:52 PM
Hi, I just signed up for this today and don't know if it's for me but I'll give it a try.

Ok, so Ive been married for 1 1/2 yrs, but in total been together for like 10 yrs, high school sweethearts. Im 24 yrs old.

Needless to say, the honeymoon is over.....been over for a while. I love my husband but sometimes i get so mad at little things like the fact we don't even kiss anymore, or he won't tell me about his day but he can tell our friends.

I dont know, just confused and sick of it. Ive asked to go to councilling and he refuses. I just don't know what else I can do, or if, in the long run, it's worth it?

Can anyone relate or help me out here?????

I say if he wont go to therapy... you should go just yourself for yourself... it might help with your marriage either way. I'd say for most relationships... people don't really understand how to make it work until they are in their last twenties. You are still very young and so is he and I think that for most it is rare for young people to make it work especially out of high school. So if you really want it to work dont have high expectations of him being perfect or really knowledgable about relationships... you both are still new at being adults. The more you just focus on working on yourself and doing things to make yourself happy... I think will make him come around. This doesnt me getting involved with another man... but go have fun doing things. Get a new hobbie or make some new friends and go to the movies with them. The more he sees that you dont "need" him... might wake him up. Dont get mad or frustrated with him cause he seems to be "pulling away" or just isnt there for you. Getting mad or upset... sometimes makes men not want to deal with it because some men dont know how to deal with emotional issues. (And I am speaking in general terms here... I dont know how your husband is... so I am guess at what might help here.) I hope something I have said helps you out... and good luck with however it may turn out.

nickthechopper
01-28-2007, 12:14 AM
...
Needless to say, the honeymoon is over.....been over for a while. I love my husband but sometimes i get so mad at little things like the fact we don't even kiss anymore, or he won't tell me about his day but he can tell our friends....
Can anyone relate or help me out here?????

I guess your husband keeps alive your relation... If everything known by you you may loose your excitement...

mala_ya
02-10-2007, 11:16 AM
what about SEX.. ??? you mentioned you don't kiss.. do you still makelove?
"make love" without kissing is not making love...it`s just a fuck!!!

my-00-stang
02-27-2007, 12:12 PM
well lets see i have been married for 15 yrs i am miserable. i was a big nerd in school over weight no friends and always picked on, well i had a crush on this girl all through school and she wouldn't look my way if i was on fire. but i grew up joined the army and went to war came home i lost a bunch of weight gained a bunch of muscle, came home from the war and ran into the girl i had a crush on, well she was still hot as ever and she saw me and her jaw dropped and she was all giggly well needless to say now she would go out with me.........go figure
well we dated for about a year and then we got married thats where the highschool sweet heart thing went down hill, she was a spoiled brat, very controling very opininated and we had our son 1 yr later oh i should say i was23 and she was 19 when we got married well after our son was born she never lost any weight she just kept getting bigger now she blames it on her diabetes but i know several people with diabetes and they are normal weight.
i stayed in the marriage because i do love her and i figured i would never be able to get another woman i mean heck i was shuned all my child hood life. our sex has went down hill because she isn't attractive anymore to me i have done alot of stuff in our marriage. i have lied to her alot because she treated me more like a child then a husband i have what she calls cheated on her by talking to women on the internet i don't see that as cheating but anyway so maybe there is something bothering him that is making him so distant like i am with my wife, or maybe he is dealing with something in his life that he can't tell you like i am with my wife. well i know i just rambled on and i'm sorry but i feel everyone looses the spark after so long.

kirby
02-27-2007, 11:32 PM
if she was important to you at one time, keep trying !

justkissed1
03-28-2007, 01:02 PM
Bring another girl home. Hubby and I were married for 13 years and I brought a friend home to spice things up..... Woo Hoo.... We have more intimate moments now then we did when we were dating.....

DJ Prophetic
03-28-2007, 11:22 PM
I have never been in a relationship for more than a month. I say this so you understand my frame of context and you can take my advice or not. Regardless...

It seems that the "spark" is gone from your marriage. You have been lovers for the last 10 years, and it is to be expected. How many new things can happen in ones life to make the mandatory, "How's your day" spiel seem new and exciting. Many people advise counseling. I would only say this as a last resort, and to try and fix things yourself before seeing a professional.

What I advise is to see if you husband is even interested in you anymore. To take a line from a comedian, "one night you are sitting on the couch watching TV, and he looks over at you, just lick your own titty." I dont necessarily recommend it to that point, just try and initiate something that will make him think, oh thats right... I love this girl. While I also am not saying this whole thing is your fault, a man is not going to initiate anything, good or bad. This leaves it up to you to try and start the spark up again. You can negate the applicable from this if they dont apply to your daily life, but... One day take off of work, clean up the house, and cook his favorite meal. Make sure it is somewhat of a surprise, but when he comes home, wear an outfit he likes, or that you think is sexy... or both.

Personally, if I had a woman at home, and I came home to this (pleated short skirt, blouse, heels... but thats just me :P) I would immediately think... wow this chick is something special.

If he is nonresponsive... I would worry about the future of this relationship.

But thats just my opinion. Good luck.

Avapxia
04-02-2007, 11:20 PM
To me it sounds simple but not so nice to hear. Take it from the man's perspective, he has lost interest in you. He may still love you and appreciate you as a friend but he is probably interested in other women. If he is being faithfull he is transfering this frustration, that he can not sleep with any woman he can, to you... It is a vicious circle and once it starts it will be over soon! The best thing to do for both of you is give him a way out and leave the door open for him to return. If you try to restrict him and force him into "saving this marriage" and he is just like most men I know, he will kick back so hard he will never come back.
And this is only useful if you really are trying to get him back. Maybe you're done with this corpse and what you complaint about is the reflection of your own image on him. You are making him react to you this way that you don't like. If you acted different maybe he would to. Remember, how many people does it take to tango!
There are other species of faithful dedicated males to their mates but this is not one of them! We are all inherently dumb though, and if you know your way around our ropes you can use us. If not we will keep trying till we find one that does. Men are known to have turned their back to women that they thought looked HOT, were nice to them, and loved them, but will settle for something less if that is more comfortable. I know I have in the past. I broke up with a center fold looking girl and fell in the arms of a female refrigerator that was nasty to boot!
Married at 22! Wow.....
Met while in 8th grade double Wowowoww
The way I see it you have an other 20 years ahead of you and about 2 or 3 marriages before you get to know what works and what doesn't.
I married once at 38 and I am 43 in divorce proceedings. I was threatened that my child was going to have her ex-husbands name and child support and the kid would probably never know who the father is or ever have one. So I married for the kid while I was being blackmailed. For a while I thought I could make it work. There is so much shit a man can take. If I had a chance to have my kids and get rid of her I would have taken it on my marriage day, pay her a lumpsum alimony and told her to get out of my face. I couldn't care less if she loved me or not, as long as she was a good mother I was going to make it work. I don't and would never abuse a woman just because I hate her. So I didn't, I'd walk out and come back in a few days when the nuclear reactor temperature had subsided and the lead rods were functioning again.
Why it didn't work? I don't care about looks, about age, about fat and skinny, tall and short, black and white, I care for civil, responsible, mature, respectful humans. I didn't get that! And maturity has nothing to do with age.
IT IS NOT ABOUT FUCKING, IT IS NOT ABOUT ROMANCE, IT IS NOT ABOUT LOOKS.
IT IS COMMUNICATION and that requires maturity. P E R I O D

If you have no clue of what I'm talking about, just wait a decade or two and it will grow on you. I don't care what your certificate, your counselor, your mom, and your friends tell you. You have no marriage if you have no communication. You have no relationship, what so ever. You may share a house, the bills, a couple of rings, but you are not married. You may even share a bed and penetrate each other once in a while.
A kiss? Now that is communication 101! As a French writer said "love is licking someone's butt while they are taking a crap". That is more like a graduate class level :) Love is to hug someone after they were done with chemotherapy and had half of their intestants taken out and think that is the most beautiful human being earth ever saw! Love is to be homeless and starving and find a crumb of a cracker and give it to your loved one. Love is to be half blown by a land mine and crawl over to the body next to you with your teeth to give him/her one last kiss before you turn the lights off. It is not about kissing in the back of the Range Rover with the A/C on and the DVD playing the blue lagoon!
If you disagree.... you may, I don't care!
Got it?

Avapxia
04-02-2007, 11:58 PM
If she could do it alone she wouldn't need a husband.....
Whattssssaaamatttahhh with you?
Yeah... keep exersizing that body!