malcolan
12-13-2005, 01:56 PM
Everywhere you look, someone is offering new secrets guaranteed to improve your love life. Some sell pills; some, advice. The travel industry shows you radiant couples dancing on cruise ships. Doctors offer surgeries to enlarge or reduce whatever you desire.
But do the latest products and promises really provide lasting happiness? Not if our nation’s staggering divorce rate tells us anything. We’re like children on monkey bars, jumping from one new idea to the next. When one gimmick fails, we swing on over to the next.
What if it isn’t a new technique we need, but new eyes? Sometimes, a second look at ancient wisdom reveals fresh, unexpected ideas.
Here are eight things that a single guy taught me about strengthening a marriage:
1. Uphold your spouse’s dignity.
In John 2, Jesus attends a wedding where a social faux pas is about to go down. The refreshment is running out. Knowing how much this would embarrass the planning committee, He does a remarkable thing: He produces more, better wine. If Christ would go out of his way for strangers, how much more should we protect our spouse from humiliation? Sometimes, comments made in jest (particularly in front of others) can leave lasting scars.
Ask your spouse: Do I always demonstrate respect for you?
2. Feed your spouse well.
Jesus was forever confusing His disciples by talking about food they couldn’t see. Bread of life? Living water? I didn't see anyone bring him food — did you? We know Jesus meant that His teachings provided better nourishment than any earthly sustenance. What kind of eternal food are you feeding your spouse? Do you provide a healthy diet for him or her by making Christ’s words part of your conversation and lifestyle?
Ask your spouse: Am I feeding you spiritually?
3. Don’t put off healing.
Jesus got in big trouble with the Jewish leaders for fixing broken people on the Sabbath. Take the situation with the lame man. Jesus could have returned to the pool of Bethesda the next day; the guy probably would have been there. But Jesus loved people. . .and He wanted to prove that healing and compassion trump everything else. When we feel like holding grudges or sulking after a fight with a spouse, this story offers a reminder: Christ fixed things as soon as possible to restore joy to His people.
Ask your spouse: Do I wait too long before making things right between us?
4. Wash each other’s feet.
Jesus was a co-creator of the universe, a king, and a sinless man. But He put a towel around His waist and washed the dusty, desert-worn feet of His servants. Not a pleasant job, but someone had to do it. Can we find a greater example of humility anywhere in history? He set aside His pride and position to demonstrate love to a rag-tag band of sinful men. It's easy in marriage to keep score — to ensure that the work load is 50/50. Yet Christ gave all He had out of love.
Ask your spouse: Am I humble and selfless when it comes to sharing the responsibility for this family?
5. Pray for unity with your spouse.
If you knew you would die tonight, what information would you share with family and friends in your final moments? Maybe you’d discuss finances or division of property. Perhaps you’d say tearful goodbyes. During Jesus’ final hours, He prayed. And the focus of his prayer? Unity. It’s clear that oneness took precedence in His mind over nearly everything else. We preach unity in church, but what about at home? Do we pray that the Lord will bring us together on issues of disagreement to restore peace in the family?
Ask your spouse: On what issues do we need to achieve greater harmony?
6. Prove your love. . .even when you don’t have to.
In John 20:25, Thomas stubbornly proclaims, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my fingers where the nails were and put my hands into his side, I will not believe it." If I were Jesus, I would have been indignant. I’ve shown them so many miracles! I’ve fed crowds and raised the dead. If he doesn’t believe me, that’s his problem! But a few verses later, Jesus gives Thomas exactly what he asked for. Out of love, He goes the extra mile to relieve His friend’s doubts.
Ask your spouse: Do you ever question my feelings for you? How can I show my love more effectively?
7. Forgive gracefully.
Imagine you’re Peter. Sure, it’s great to see Jesus alive again — but you denied Him. You disowned the person you love the most, and you did it three times in a row! Wouldn’t you wonder where you stood? In John 21:15, Jesus asks Peter, "Do you love me?" Peter answers with an emphatic yes. But Jesus asks him twice more. Peter was probably thinking, "How many times do I have to say it?" Then it hits him — once for each time he’d denied his Lord. Jesus doesn’t say "I told you so." He doesn’t make Peter grovel. He settles the score gently, leaving Peter's dignity intact.
Ask your spouse: Do I forgive gracefully, or do I sometimes hold grudges and seek revenge?
8. Surrender your marriage to God.
Over and over, Jesus tells the people, "The son can do nothing without the father." If the son — part of the trinity and co-author of creation — couldn’t function without God, what makes us think we can handle our marriages on our own? It’s imperative that we consult with our father like Jesus did, gaining strength, understanding and healing from a source much more powerful than anything of this earth.
Ask your spouse: Can we pray together that God will remain in the center of our marriage?
Jesus never had a wife, but he was — and is — the perfect example in matters of the heart. Before you buy another book or read one more magazine article on relationships, reconsider the volume that may already be sitting on your nightstand. Pray for guidance as you scour its pages, and know that it is living and active, waiting to speak to you.
You never know what new tips you’ll discover when you pick up an old book handed down from the world's foremost expert on love.
But do the latest products and promises really provide lasting happiness? Not if our nation’s staggering divorce rate tells us anything. We’re like children on monkey bars, jumping from one new idea to the next. When one gimmick fails, we swing on over to the next.
What if it isn’t a new technique we need, but new eyes? Sometimes, a second look at ancient wisdom reveals fresh, unexpected ideas.
Here are eight things that a single guy taught me about strengthening a marriage:
1. Uphold your spouse’s dignity.
In John 2, Jesus attends a wedding where a social faux pas is about to go down. The refreshment is running out. Knowing how much this would embarrass the planning committee, He does a remarkable thing: He produces more, better wine. If Christ would go out of his way for strangers, how much more should we protect our spouse from humiliation? Sometimes, comments made in jest (particularly in front of others) can leave lasting scars.
Ask your spouse: Do I always demonstrate respect for you?
2. Feed your spouse well.
Jesus was forever confusing His disciples by talking about food they couldn’t see. Bread of life? Living water? I didn't see anyone bring him food — did you? We know Jesus meant that His teachings provided better nourishment than any earthly sustenance. What kind of eternal food are you feeding your spouse? Do you provide a healthy diet for him or her by making Christ’s words part of your conversation and lifestyle?
Ask your spouse: Am I feeding you spiritually?
3. Don’t put off healing.
Jesus got in big trouble with the Jewish leaders for fixing broken people on the Sabbath. Take the situation with the lame man. Jesus could have returned to the pool of Bethesda the next day; the guy probably would have been there. But Jesus loved people. . .and He wanted to prove that healing and compassion trump everything else. When we feel like holding grudges or sulking after a fight with a spouse, this story offers a reminder: Christ fixed things as soon as possible to restore joy to His people.
Ask your spouse: Do I wait too long before making things right between us?
4. Wash each other’s feet.
Jesus was a co-creator of the universe, a king, and a sinless man. But He put a towel around His waist and washed the dusty, desert-worn feet of His servants. Not a pleasant job, but someone had to do it. Can we find a greater example of humility anywhere in history? He set aside His pride and position to demonstrate love to a rag-tag band of sinful men. It's easy in marriage to keep score — to ensure that the work load is 50/50. Yet Christ gave all He had out of love.
Ask your spouse: Am I humble and selfless when it comes to sharing the responsibility for this family?
5. Pray for unity with your spouse.
If you knew you would die tonight, what information would you share with family and friends in your final moments? Maybe you’d discuss finances or division of property. Perhaps you’d say tearful goodbyes. During Jesus’ final hours, He prayed. And the focus of his prayer? Unity. It’s clear that oneness took precedence in His mind over nearly everything else. We preach unity in church, but what about at home? Do we pray that the Lord will bring us together on issues of disagreement to restore peace in the family?
Ask your spouse: On what issues do we need to achieve greater harmony?
6. Prove your love. . .even when you don’t have to.
In John 20:25, Thomas stubbornly proclaims, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my fingers where the nails were and put my hands into his side, I will not believe it." If I were Jesus, I would have been indignant. I’ve shown them so many miracles! I’ve fed crowds and raised the dead. If he doesn’t believe me, that’s his problem! But a few verses later, Jesus gives Thomas exactly what he asked for. Out of love, He goes the extra mile to relieve His friend’s doubts.
Ask your spouse: Do you ever question my feelings for you? How can I show my love more effectively?
7. Forgive gracefully.
Imagine you’re Peter. Sure, it’s great to see Jesus alive again — but you denied Him. You disowned the person you love the most, and you did it three times in a row! Wouldn’t you wonder where you stood? In John 21:15, Jesus asks Peter, "Do you love me?" Peter answers with an emphatic yes. But Jesus asks him twice more. Peter was probably thinking, "How many times do I have to say it?" Then it hits him — once for each time he’d denied his Lord. Jesus doesn’t say "I told you so." He doesn’t make Peter grovel. He settles the score gently, leaving Peter's dignity intact.
Ask your spouse: Do I forgive gracefully, or do I sometimes hold grudges and seek revenge?
8. Surrender your marriage to God.
Over and over, Jesus tells the people, "The son can do nothing without the father." If the son — part of the trinity and co-author of creation — couldn’t function without God, what makes us think we can handle our marriages on our own? It’s imperative that we consult with our father like Jesus did, gaining strength, understanding and healing from a source much more powerful than anything of this earth.
Ask your spouse: Can we pray together that God will remain in the center of our marriage?
Jesus never had a wife, but he was — and is — the perfect example in matters of the heart. Before you buy another book or read one more magazine article on relationships, reconsider the volume that may already be sitting on your nightstand. Pray for guidance as you scour its pages, and know that it is living and active, waiting to speak to you.
You never know what new tips you’ll discover when you pick up an old book handed down from the world's foremost expert on love.