I miss my Dad ...

[livelychati]

I miss my Dad on this Father's Day, and I missed him on all of them since he died in 2001, I'll miss him on all Father's Days to come ...

I am one of the lucky ones, I had a dream dad, the one who was one of the three most decent human beings I encountered in my entire life: him, my son and my S/O. All share the same unsurpassed qualities! I was not just a Daddy's girl, I was and still am, and ardent follower of his ideas and philosophy of life.

I've learned countless lessons from the talks he and I had. He counseled me on what guys are really like - he should know since he was a major player until he met my mom at 30, when "everything changed in an instant," as he loved to say to me. But one of the very first lessons I consciously remember is the one he gave me on the first day of school. It has shaped my life! I was six, and he walked me to the school, which was a mere 3 blocks from our place.

Unexpectedly, a block from the school he stopped and pointed to the distance. Before turning away and leaving me on the street corner, he simply said: "Honey, you see that building over there where all the children are walking to? That's your school. Today is the first of many days you'll spend there and in others. You'll learn a lot of good and bad things in school - it is UP TO YOU to discern which ones are good, and which ones are bad. I believe in you, I know you can accomplish anything you desire, and you'll know what's good and what's bad!"

With that, he hugged and kissed me, turned and walked away back home!

I stood on that corner for what seemed like an eternity, then literally marched to school, full of enthusiasm and desire to succeed. I know now how difficult it was for him to leave his baby like that, we often talked about that day, especially when I did the same thing with my son ... still, we both agreed that was THE best thing he could've done for me, and my son says the same thing about his experience!

To all Dads that are like this, and to all Dads that aren't: Happy Father's Day!

To all the children, small and adult: whether your Dad was like this, or was not ... love him and tell him that. Most of them love their children more than their lives, even when it doesn't seem so. Whatever the case, this is THE ONLY father you've got ... love him both for what he gave you and for what he didn't. My son did, and even though his dad was a hell of a lot LESS than a dad for a long time ... he's the best dad today, 12 years later and he's learned a lot from his own son.

Make peace with Dads you accuse, and keep loving them.

Acknowledge Dads who were there for you every step of the life's journey!

Cheers!

[Orion]

Sniff

[>>Flyboy<<]

Great post.

My dad is 88 and fading. He has alzheimer's. Basically he left us 5 years ago.

[Headcoach582000]

Within the last month he has been diagnosed with cancer of the jaw. To allow the surgeons to do what they had to do he endured the insertion of a trachial tube to help him breath while he recovers from surgery. They had do a bone graft from his leg to rebuild his jaw. Since this is his 4th operation for skin cancer of the chin they grafted skin from his leg to rebuild his chin the surgeons had to split his tongue to make enough room to remove his jaw bone. about 3 weeks ago his trach tube slipped ever so slightly and although it looked like it was feeding him oxygen the reality was he wasn't getting oxygen so they had to do cpr on him which in turn fractured some ribs and because the oxygen had to go somewhere it went in under the skin on the left side of his face which made him look like someone punched him as his face was puffed up like a bubble. I've had lots of issues with his actions and he with mine. That is until the last month. When I heard he almost died I decided that the issues that I readily looked for with him had to stop. Time to lay down the weapons of division and let it all go. Happy Fathers day all! Enjoy yours while you can......

[livelychati]

Great post.

My dad is 88 and fading. He has alzheimer's. Basically he left us 5 years ago.Thanks, Fly! Alz is brutal. However, think of it this way: I just learned today (I'm in Vancouver) that my and my cousin's good friend lost his brother to Alz in his early 40s!!! At least your dad had a good run, however difficult the end is for everyone. Hang in there bud!

[Sweet]

Great post.

My dad is 88 and fading. He has alzheimer's. Basically he left us 5 years ago.

I went through 8 years of this with my grandmother. We wouldn't put her in a home, we cared for her ourselves. It IS brutal. I'm so sorry.

My dad I still have...and love....although I believe Alzheimers is kicking in little by little. I did, however, lose my mom this past November. Nothing in this world thus far in my life comes remotely close to the "pain comparison" of losing a parent. :( You are never prepared.

My heart goes out to you all. XO

[always]

This was kind of an odd Father's Day as a son. I have now been without my dad for half my life. I was 21 when he died 21 years ago. I was finishing college. My wife & I were engaged and planning our wedding, so he got to meet and know her and know that I had met a wonderful woman.

I can still remember that week when I last saw him, when I last talked to him on the phone, that phone call I received in the middle of the night, and the weekend of his funeral like it was just yesterday.

Even though there are many times that I wish I could have known him as an adult, he's a big reason that I am who I am today. Maybe more evident is that he is why I am the father I am today. He spent a lot of time with us kids, and that's something I do for my kids too. He coached our sports teams, played ball with us in the yard, taught us how to do things around the house, etc.

I am the youngest child and so was the last one living at home. He and I spent a lot of time together in those years. He went into business for himself when I was in high school, and I worked summers and weekends with him. We even used to go to the park where I grew up playing ball together and watch Little League games on Saturday mornings just because we enjoyed that.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. The wedding ring that I have worn for the past 20 years is the wedding ring that my dad wore for the nearly 28 years that he and my mom were married before he died. I think of him every day when I look at my ring.

I guess the biggest regret is that he never got to know my kids and my kids never got to know him. That would have been awesome.

[Sweet]

I guess the biggest regret is that he never got to know my kids and my kids never got to know him. That would have been awesome.

I can understand. My daughter and my mom were very close. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old and my mom cared for her. On her deathbed she told me her biggest fear was that my daughter would forget her. It's been 7 months, but that little girl talks about her EVERY day. "Mom, remember when she used to this....or cook me this..." I pray she'll always have some memory of my mom.......but I realize her age......it will fade. :(

[madmax]

I can understand. My daughter and my mom were very close. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old and my mom cared for her. On her deathbed she told me her biggest fear was that my daughter would forget her. It's been 7 months, but that little girl talks about her EVERY day. "Mom, remember when she used to this....or cook me this..." I pray she'll always have some memory of my mom.......but I realize her age......it will fade. :(

Not necessarily. Memory may not be quite as fresh, but it will still be there.

[Sweet]

Not necessarily. Memory may not be quite as fresh, but it will still be there.

I hope so. I really do.

[always]

I can understand. My daughter and my mom were very close. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old and my mom cared for her. On her deathbed she told me her biggest fear was that my daughter would forget her. It's been 7 months, but that little girl talks about her EVERY day. "Mom, remember when she used to this....or cook me this..." I pray she'll always have some memory of my mom.......but I realize her age......it will fade. :(

Well, my dad died 9 years before my oldest was born, so no chance of even a fleeting memory.

[okiebugg]

Those of you with fond memories of your parents should consider yourselves very blessed.

I envy you. I will further explain.........

My Dad was murdered when I was very young. Got into a shootout with a couple of armed robbers. He was a cop in a small town in Texas.

This put my Mom into a tailspin with Alcohol. She danced with it until I was about 14 and finally put herself out of her own misery.

I was pretty much on my own after that, thus when a Judge offered me the Marine Corps in lieu of a prison sentence for some trouble I had gotten myself into, I joined.

[emilynghiem]

Those of you with fond memories of your parents should consider yourselves very blessed.

I envy you. I will further explain.........

My Dad was murdered when I was very young. Got into a shootout with a couple of armed robbers. He was a cop in a small town in Texas.

This put my Mom into a tailspin with Alcohol. She danced with it until I was about 14 and finally put herself out of her own misery.

I was pretty much on my own after that, thus when a Judge offered me the Marine Corps in lieu of a prison sentence for some trouble I had gotten myself into, I joined.

Dear Okiebugg: Sorry to hear about your sad past with your parents. However, just to hear that your dad was a cop who died in the line of duty, that's a very honorable man. You have much to be proud of, also with your effort to serve in the corps. So even if your father is not here in person, to see the man you've become, I'm sure he is watching from heaven, the honor between father and son is a great thing. May you feel this connection in your heart, more and more, because that's where heaven is. When we can feel the love between us, beyond life and death, when it lives in us and we carry it with us. Take care and heads up to you! Be proud that you have overcome past troubles, and did not end up like your poor mother. Bless her heart and yours also. You are a special person to make it through, given what you had seen. They say if you overcome hardships early in life, then the rest of life will be easier. So whatever challenges you are given, please know you are a better person for it. You sound very special to me! Yours truly, Emily

[emilynghiem]

I can understand. My daughter and my mom were very close. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old and my mom cared for her. On her deathbed she told me her biggest fear was that my daughter would forget her. It's been 7 months, but that little girl talks about her EVERY day. "Mom, remember when she used to this....or cook me this..." I pray she'll always have some memory of my mom.......but I realize her age......it will fade. :(

Dear Sweet: Is your daughter creative, like telling stories she can put in a book or draw pictures? If you have photos, can you make a scrapbook, and go over it once a week to add new stories or memories, so she will always remember them. Write each one down or record them, sort of like taking an oral history. Let her use her own words. I would DEFINITELY capture this while it is fresh and it is a beautiful activity you can share with your daughter.

I don't know if there is a Michael's or Hobby Lobby or craft store near you. But they have regular 40% off coupons in the Sunday paper, and you can buy scrapbook materials and go to classes for kids to learn to scrapbook.

Kids are so creative, and this is a great way to heal of any pains from missing someone you love. If you have video or photos, or anything you can compile in scrapbooks, kids LOVE to do this!

When I was a teacher and the founder of the school passed away suddenly, all the grieving students made a huge collage of photos and thank you notes so they could all say goodbye. And appreciate the memories they shared and know these are in the past, but the lessons and love we share we carry on with us. (I'm also on a historic commission where the historians recommend capturing family oral histories, which can become precious heirlooms for the future generations to treasure.)

God bless and please take care!
Yours truly,
Emily

[emilynghiem]

Hi Always: You remind me of me and my dad. He collapsed and went into a vegetative state when I was a freshman in college. And I spent a good while in denial (about 5 years in numbness so I could get through school) before I openly grieved. I had lots of anger that "my dad wasn't with me at graduation when I went through school to please him." And all kinds of stuff I had to let go and forgive, over and over, so I could be at peace and feel him in my heart always, without any regret or anger blocking the connection. So it took many many years, but now I feel him with me all the time. It is like he is watching from heaven. And yes, sometimes I still blow up and vent in rage like he used to. Unfortunately I have so much of his passion, it can be to a fault! I have to remember to be more like my mother and be patient and wise, and not overreact and start spouting like he used to. So I definitely see my father in myself, where I care so much I can just go off on people when they are harming a single soul. I have to balance that with being like my mom whom I still have with me. She used to keep him in line, and now I see how.

Anyway if it helps you at all, please know that where your dad lives in your heart, and you see this in the good relations with your kids, that is heaven on earth where all the angels share their love and wise guidance. So the more you forgive and let go of fears or regrets, this connection is more clear and open to receive more love to share! He is definitely with you in spirit, and in your family. So know he is there, like God says "be still and know that I am God". Be glad and know that he is there. Your father is one with you, where you are of one heart and one mind. Your kids may not know him in person, but they can know him in spirit.

I never met or knew my grandfather, but I feel his spirit in what he passed to his son/my father. A great sense of justice and also the gift of poetry. I have that in me and I know where it comes from. So I can still know the part of them I never met, or never talked about openly. It is there in spirit, and passes down through us by the love we share in our hearts, beyond life and death.

Take care and I hope you feel this more and more.
His spirit is definitely with you and your children. That is such a wonderful blessing and I am happy for you! I had such a hard time struggling to find that connection for me, and you seem to have mastered it quite well.

This is quite admirable, and I hope you find more ways to express and share it with your children. I posted to someone else to make a family oral history or scrapbook, so the future generations can know their grandparents. There are do-it-yourself books and online resources about genealogy and how to make a family tree, so if you have not done this, that is a great family activity for children to trace their lineage and appreciate where they came from. It helps we have digital photos and editing which makes it easier now!

Best wishes to you and your family.
Yours truly,
Emily

This was kind of an odd Father's Day as a son. I have now been without my dad for half my life. I was 21 when he died 21 years ago. I was finishing college. My wife & I were engaged and planning our wedding, so he got to meet and know her and know that I had met a wonderful woman.

I can still remember that week when I last saw him, when I last talked to him on the phone, that phone call I received in the middle of the night, and the weekend of his funeral like it was just yesterday.

Even though there are many times that I wish I could have known him as an adult, he's a big reason that I am who I am today. Maybe more evident is that he is why I am the father I am today. He spent a lot of time with us kids, and that's something I do for my kids too. He coached our sports teams, played ball with us in the yard, taught us how to do things around the house, etc.

I am the youngest child and so was the last one living at home. He and I spent a lot of time together in those years. He went into business for himself when I was in high school, and I worked summers and weekends with him. We even used to go to the park where I grew up playing ball together and watch Little League games on Saturday mornings just because we enjoyed that.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. The wedding ring that I have worn for the past 20 years is the wedding ring that my dad wore for the nearly 28 years that he and my mom were married before he died. I think of him every day when I look at my ring.

I guess the biggest regret is that he never got to know my kids and my kids never got to know him. That would have been awesome.

[Steelmonkey]

Make peace with Dads you accuse, and keep loving them.

My dad passed away in Feb 2006 from complications of surgery. He was a hard-ass with me, but got "softer" as I grew up. I miss him terribly, somedays more than others. RIP Roy T Rabun

[Sweet]

Make peace with Dads you accuse, and keep loving them.

My dad passed away in Feb 2006 from complications of surgery. He was a hard-ass with me, but got "softer" as I grew up. I miss him terribly, somedays more than others. RIP Roy T Rabun

Sorry. :( Lost my mom last year, haven't been the same since. :(

[Steelmonkey]

Sorry. :( Lost my mom last year, haven't been the same since. :(

So sorry to hear that! I dont even wanna think about the day that happens!!!

[emilynghiem]

Make peace with Dads you accuse, and keep loving them.

My dad passed away in Feb 2006 from complications of surgery. He was a hard-ass with me, but got "softer" as I grew up. I miss him terribly, somedays more than others. RIP Roy T Rabun

I spent several years, from 1990 to about 1996, working out closure with my family regarding my dad so I could have peace. Physically he did not die until 2001, but I had most of my grief work done by then. I can't say that about the rest of my family who still have lots of issues not fully resolved yet.

Just yesterday out of the blue, I started missing my dad and wanting to dig up things he gave me before he collapsed in 1985. I felt strongly, thinking of him all day long, and didn't know why because I had not felt nostalgic in years! Later last night I found out an old friend of my dad was in trouble and needing serious help. So I think spiritually he may have been connecting with me, because this man was also crying out to the heavens. And because he is a friend of my father, a small group of friends met to try to help him the way my dad would have. So maybe that is why I felt such a strong call emotionally. It's times like these I am reminded we are still connected.

I have a lot of my dad's passion for people, and it's just a matter of directing that attention and energy where it can serve a good purpose to help others.

[TigersFanBob]

Sorry. :( Lost my mom last year, haven't been the same since. :(

I lost my dad in December 2006, the day after Christmas. The first year was the hardest, but it has gotten better. You will recover, I am sure.

[flemingwbl]

Well, my father was died 6 years ago But I never forget him.

[DistantBreeze]

I know what you mean. My brother died a few months ago and I'm still in shock. Tear.

[BlkLover]

I lost my dad when I was only 12,someone shot and killed him,my uncle found him in the driveway dead.Often as a kid I would watch others create that bond that only a father and son has and think what if.

I have accomplished a lot in my life,what if.
Joined the military,what if.
Started a family and raised 2 daughters,what if.
Had struggles in my life,what if.
Have a good job and doing well now,what if.

What if.

[Sweet]

Dear Sweet: Is your daughter creative, like telling stories....

God bless and please take care!
Yours truly,
Emily

Emily I never saw this til now, thanks for the post and yes....we have several of them by now. Thanks again. :)

I lost my dad when I was only 12,someone shot and killed him,my uncle found him in the driveway dead..

I'm so sorry. :(

Coming up on the 1 year anniversary for my mom...and I can honestly say IMHO that it has become more difficult with time. I keep waiting for it to become easier to cope with.

[BlkLover]

Thanks,all things get better with time,the thing we have to remember is that we are still here and to remember them and not dwell on them.

[Zenbow77]

Hey,

I wanna let you know that in time things do get better. I mean I was away for work and found out my father had a heart attack while being murdered and he unfortunatly died right on the front lawn. I will never be the same since my father was and is my best friend. I mean we lived together for 10 yrs and being an only child and a girl was awesome. I mean we would hang out. we would get tattoos together and sing together. I mean it was gravy on a turkey dinner boat. I love that man so much.

Im gonna be 32 in Dec but June and Nov are the hardest months for me
June was his death and Nov 1st is his bday.

My father was so cool even because of my lesbianism and being who I chose to be and not what some one else wanted me to be. His thing was he just wanted to see me happy in life.

So yes its hard but in time it gets easier and better.
Gone but never forgotten. Here but never visually.
my soul,my heart right from the start.
I love you,I miss u. my dad