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Old 12-31-2012, 03:29 PM   #1
john_in_VA
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Default here is my story

First I must say I am a content married man(married 10 yrs.). I say content because I think being happy is only possible for short instances, such as a ice cold drink on a blistering hot day. A candy bar when your meal just was not enough, driving 115 mph on a public road for just an instance. I love my wife, and I love my children. Me and my wife have a good relationship both emotionally and sexually. So my confession is not a symptom of things going bad at home.
Now the story. I consider myself to be a straight man sexually. I love women. I always have, ever since I can remember. I even liked girls when I was in kindergarten. I didnít know what to do with them , but I was attracted to them. When I look at men, in no way to I get turned on/horny. Now here is the rest of the story. About 5 years before I met my wife I had a girlfriend that had a roommate that was gay, openly gay. He was not particularly attractive. He did have rather full lips though. He was in his early 20s and was not involved with anyone. I had never been around gay men in a social setting like this where I could have casual conversations with a gay man until this roommate situation. Me and him would have conversations when my GF was not around. Well one day I was really horny and I had on long jogging shorts and I got brave and walked into the kitchen so he could see me hard. He noticed and I said something casual and walked to the bed room acting like it was no big deal. He came to the door and I sat on the edge of the bed leaning back showing I was hard to see his reaction. He made it clear he was turned on. He stood at the door for maybe a minute and my gf came home from where ever she was. Me and him then completely acted like nothing was happening and that was that. One more time I decided to go to the store while the gf was home and asked if roommate wanted to go too. He went and gf stayed home. We were riding down the road to the store and I just spoke up and said - Suck my dick. I said it in a sarcastic way just to see his reaction. He took notice and then we parked in an empty area of the parking lot and discussed it. Nothing happened because I could not risk ANYBODY finding out. This could have ruined my life. So a couple of weeks after that me and GF broke up. I lost contact and that was that. eVen then I was never really attracted to him , but it was the thought of his nice full lips wrapped around my cock, I could not get out of my head. I relocated to another area. Dated many girls. years went by. I never got this fantasy out of my head. But never was attracted to men. Then came the internet and yahoo messenger with cams. I met girls online and several wanted and did see my cock. This was/has been a major turn on for me. Then I went thru a spell of time didnít meet anybody but missed giving a show , so I as like, what the hell and enterd a gay chatroom on yahoo. Somebody asked to see my cock and I let them and It gives me a incredible turn on and high. I have gotten many compliments about my cock. I began to toy with the idea of meeting a complete stranger and having gay sex, but I didnít for fear of STDs, for fear of the wrong person finding out. And for any other number of reasons I will not go into. I started smoking weed from time to time(about 1 time every six months). And I would crave gay sex while high, but never acted on the urge. Then, I met my wife. My wife was in an Asian country. I met her online, then I went to see her. When I did I saw in a mall some Asian Ts-girls/ladyboys. You would NEVER know they were not real females, they were smoking hot if you like Asian women. From then on, they were in the back of my mind. Two years later me and Gf got married. Partying days were over, no chasing girls, no smoking weed. A few years after that, children.
So, now its present day and here is where I am. I love my family. I have no reason or desire to want to hurt them, or leave them. I enjoy having a family. I think we have a good life compared to most. Now the ďvariablesĒ I mentioned in the first paragraph in no specific order. I now have a job that requires me to travel out of town for most of the year. Iím still home on the weekends .Now that I travel I have the opportunity to smoke weed when ever I want. Although I rarely do. I can if I want. My job does not drug test and has no plans to.
The desire for a bj combined with the urge while high for gay sex, combined with seeing the ts-girls/ladyboys have now all merged together into one fantasy. Over the last few years, I have looked at lots of Asian ts-girl video porn online. And even now I will look when I get time and privacy. I have a strong urge/desire for one evening of sex with a ts-girl. (one with full c size breasts and hour glass shaped body). I came to this forum for this admission because if I am to be judged, I should be judged by me peers. And I think the people on this board are as close as Iím going to get for peers. Iím very seriously considering going thru with satisfying my urge for these reasons in no particular order. Number one, A part of me thinks if I go thru with it, It will be out of my system so to speak and I can forget about it and move on. Next, sometimes I get so horny that I have to jerk off , just to relieve the physical urge. Even though me and the wife have good sex and often, the urge is still there. Sometimes my urge is so bad, that I will even go so far as to jerk off at work in the mens room. (when nobody is in there of course). Some times, I go weeks without looking at porn and stay busy. But the urge always creeps up. So what are you guyís opinions, judgments, criticisms?
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:15 PM   #2
strangthang
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I would love to be the first to reply.....if i can get this out before someone else post....i can relate to what you are saying.....i can not judge you.....least i be judged....no one wants to be judged...i think that your working through it well....i have to do the same thing....i do not want to hurt my wife and my potions (job) is of one of character...if someone found out it would crush lots of people....Im just glad that i was able to experience having sex and the whole nine yards before i got married...i still have the urges so i watch porn....i just started coming here has a way of releasing with out taking that step....i would suggest you not try it because its like doing drugs....once you start you May get a habit...and that could be all bad....so just stick to your guns....its seems like your taking enough risks by jacking off at your job....something i was just thinking about doing...lol...i even want to fees into the earge of having an affair with anyone.....but hearing you is helping slightly....my wife knows something is up with me.....Im sure yours do too...what ever you do don't tell her....hope this helps you..stay in touch lets talk..
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:30 PM   #3
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I agree with StrangThang, along that line of thinking another way to consider would be a cost/benefit analysis.
Given the fun (benefit) you would glean, realistically consider the cost of getting caught and the probability of that occurring.
Remember even the director of the CIA was recently caught.

Last edited by UnknownNobody; 12-31-2012 at 06:34 PM.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:44 PM   #4
strangthang
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Yeah and that would be a heavy price to pay for a little pleasure...so you May have to just live vicarious through chat rooms and cyber space....i have done it for a while now....it does work for a little while.....i find jacking off helps relieve the pressure but that's only a tempary fix as well.
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Old 01-01-2013, 01:39 AM   #5
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Next time you're out of town fire one up and have a dude suck your dick. Who's gonna know?
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Old 01-01-2013, 11:28 AM   #6
john_in_VA
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Thanks for the replies. So far I remain faithful. Although I have danced on that line. Here is something else I think of. I know many many couples that got married and are now divorced. Some were married as long as 18 years. And I think what if that ends up being me?? Like I said before I have a good relationship with my wife. But I know it can change. So I wonder if I will have missed an opportunity if I end up divorced in like 10 years. I just know nothing is a sure thing. The couples I know had everything going for them. Yet, things went bad. And I will say in almost every situation, the women were the ones doing the cheating. So I said that to say, This is another thing that adds to me wondering. Could I get away with one indiscretion?? Sure. But for now I think I'm doing ok. For me, Its is only a matter of lust. so I think I can keep that under control. I have taken up playing video games (Xbox) which helps as a good distraction. Also to the other guys that are interested in ts-girls. Asian ts-girls look amazing. But are had to find here in the USA. I do browse Craigslist of Thailand and Philippines. Those that post ads they are real and are a bargain compared to the ones in the USA. I've been to Asia a few times so thats how I know most are real. You can spot them every where. And I have friends over there and have had many conversations about them. Yes I realize most people can't make that trip for sex. But just had to bring it to the attention to the people that are single and want to play just not where they live.
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Old 01-01-2013, 04:00 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by john_in_VA View Post
Thanks for the replies. So far I remain faithful. Although I have danced on that line. Here is something else I think of. I know many many couples that got married and are now divorced. Some were married as long as 18 years. And I think what if that ends up being me?? Like I said before I have a good relationship with my wife. But I know it can change. So I wonder if I will have missed an opportunity if I end up divorced in like 10 years. I just know nothing is a sure thing. The couples I know had everything going for them. Yet, things went bad. And I will say in almost every situation, the women were the ones doing the cheating. So I said that to say, This is another thing that adds to me wondering. Could I get away with one indiscretion?? Sure. But for now I think I'm doing ok. For me, Its is only a matter of lust. so I think I can keep that under control. I have taken up playing video games (Xbox) which helps as a good distraction. Also to the other guys that are interested in ts-girls. Asian ts-girls look amazing. But are had to find here in the USA. I do browse Craigslist of Thailand and Philippines. Those that post ads they are real and are a bargain compared to the ones in the USA. I've been to Asia a few times so thats how I know most are real. You can spot them every where. And I have friends over there and have had many conversations about them. Yes I realize most people can't make that trip for sex. But just had to bring it to the attention to the people that are single and want to play just not where they live.
You can't keep the "lust under control." It's the other way around. I know. been there. and it's stronger. Period. Stick with the web fantasies or just tell your wife what you're feeling. It's sucks, but it's only fair that she know. this whole thing about what she doesn't know won't hurt her is bull crap. I know couples that swing, have open relationships and same sex nights. But these are the lucky few, I'm afraid. You can't have your cake and eat it, too, as preachy as that is coming from a recovering sex addict.
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Old 01-01-2013, 05:34 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by man4manfun View Post
You can't keep the "lust under control." It's the other way around. I know. been there. and it's stronger. Period. Stick with the web fantasies or just tell your wife what you're feeling. It's sucks, but it's only fair that she know. this whole thing about what she doesn't know won't hurt her is bull crap. I know couples that swing, have open relationships and same sex nights. But these are the lucky few, I'm afraid. You can't have your cake and eat it, too, as preachy as that is coming from a recovering sex addict.
I must agree with man4manfun, either distract your self 100 percent or talk to your wife about what you are feeling. I am one of the lucky ones in that my GF knows about my Bi side, but my first wife never did and I never acted on it while we were married. I never wanted to hurt her and never did in that way, the only time I hurt her was when I left her and that was for other reasons. You can open the subject with her (gently probing of course) or steer clear of it entirely. That's your call, but if you think that she would not react positively and you are completely satisfied with he both emotionally and sexually, then you should leave your fantasies unfulfilled IMHO. Your fantasies would be hard to fully act on in any case.
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Old 01-12-2013, 08:47 PM   #9
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I'm like you, John - married, kids, attracted to women, and yet with this unfulfilled desire to explore m4m fantasies. Getting down on my knees, sucking a cock, and swallowing a man's cum are enormously arousing to me for some reason. Fear of STDs and/or being discovered are the things that hold me back.

And, yeah, meeting an attractive shemale would be so cool. I wish I knew how to go about that.

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Old 01-13-2013, 02:56 AM   #10
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John ,you nailed it for me we have a very similar story except I have hooked up a couple of times in my life, it's been about 20 yrs since I have and the urge is getting real strong again
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